幽默的英文段子

幽默英语：20条英语段子
幽默的英文段子(一)

【第一条】

Examination and many children, so that the number of honest learned cheating. 考试害了多少个孩子，让多少诚实的孩子学会了作弊。

【第二条】

For beautiful eyes, on the line, and told myself, my wife than they were.

对于美女，看两眼就行，转身告诉自己，我老婆比她们都好。

【第三条】

Did you find, those who hate you, looks very ugly.

你有没有发现，那些讨厌你的人，长得都特别丑。

【第四条】

Since I will play QQ, I found my pinyin is getting better and better, the study did not have this effect.

自从会玩QQ后，我发现我拼音越来越好了，读书都没这效果。

【第五条】

I have a flirt with hot chicks ability, but he is a girl.

我空有一身泡妞的本事，可惜自己是个妞。【幽默的英文段子】

【第六条】

I do not smoke cigarettes, is not lonely, second-hand smoke!

我抽的不是烟，也不是寂寞，是二手烟！

【第七条】

Examination of people rely on strength, and I rely on the rich imagination.

考试有人靠的是实力，而我靠的是丰富的想象力。

【第八条】

Abroad: Thought and ability is the key, the domestic: relationship and can run. 国外：思想和才能才是王道，国内：关系和马屁才能横行。

【第九条】

The teacher said to hear and fine, I know he's salary.

听到老师说又要开始罚钱，我就知道是他工资花完了。

【第十条】

The man called the romantic love rich, rich in the coquettish woman.

男人情史丰富那叫风流，女人情史丰富那叫风骚。

【第十一条】

One, two people, three person is to fight at outrance.

一个人快活，两个人生活，三个人就是你死我活。

【第十二条】

Grandpa Mao said, not to marry for the purpose of making object is bullying. 毛爷爷说，不以结婚为目的的搞对象都是耍流氓。【幽默的英文段子】

【第十三条】

Brother, you have to face the resolution is good?

大哥，把你脸上的分辨率调低点好吗？

【第十四条】

In heaven there is no white out the pie, but white out the bricks.

天上没有白掉的馅饼，倒有白掉的砖头。

【第十五条】

Ideals are like the pants, have, but not everyone can go to prove that you have! 理想就像内裤，要有，但不能逢人就去证明你有！

【第十六条】

More to their fucking great time also can not compare with idiot years.【幽默的英文段子】

再多各自牛逼的时光 也比不上一起傻逼的岁月。

【第十七条】【幽默的英文段子】

Thinking of how far, how far you roll; light how fast, how fast you roll.

思想有多远，你就滚多远；光速有多快，你就滚多快。

【第十八条】

Chinese two big characteristics: one, don't love the truth; two, do not want to hear the truth.

中国人就两大特点：一，不爱说实话；二，不爱听实话。

【第十九条】

You look very Chinese, very dedicated, very backbone.

你长的很爱国，很敬业，很有骨气。

【第二十条】

Germany is the only woman, I think I must be too mean.

女子无才便是德，我想我一定是太缺德了。

精彩推荐：必克英语

精选爆笑英语段子
幽默的英文段子(二)

I want a nightmare 想做坏梦

Before the final examination, Tom told his mother, "Mom, I had a dream last night that I'd passed today's exam.""Don't trust dreams, dear. It is said what you experience in dreams usually turns out to be the opposite." Mother replied."Then I do hope I'll fail the other subjects in my dream tonight," Tom said.

在期末考试之前，汤姆告诉他的母亲：“妈妈，我昨天晚上做了一个梦，梦见我通过了今天的考试。”“不要相信梦，亲爱的。据说梦中的经历通常与现实相反。”妈妈答道。“那么，我真希望在今晚的梦中，我的其他功课都不及格。”汤姆说。

How to Become Rich 如何致富

Little brother: I saw you kiss my elder sister, and if you don't give me a nickel I'll tell my father.Sister's boyfriend: No, don't do that. Here's a nickel.Little brother: That makes a buck and a quarter I've made this month.

弟弟：我看见你亲我姐姐了，如果你不给我五分钱，我就告诉我爸。姐姐的男朋友：不要那样做。给你五分钱。弟弟：我这个月已经赚了一块两毛五了。

Lucky Mother 幸运的母亲

A young mother believed that it was very wrong to waste any food when there were so many hungry people in the world. One evening, she was giving her small daughterher tea before putting her to bed. First she gave her a slice of fresh brown bread and butter, but the child said that she did not want it like that. She asked for some jam on her bread as well.Her mother looked at her for a few seconds and then said, When I was a small girl like you, Lucy, I was always given either bread and butter, or bread and jam, but never bread with butter and jam.Lucy looked at her mother for a few moments with pity in her eyes and then said to her kindly, Aren't you pleased that you've come to live with us now?【幽默的英文段子】

一位年轻的母亲认为，世界上还有许多受饥饿的人，浪费食物真不应该。有天晚上，在安排幼小的女儿睡觉之前，她给女儿喂夜宵。她先给她一片新鲜的黑面包和黄油，但孩子说她不喜欢这样吃。她还要一些果酱涂在面包上。母亲看了女儿几秒钟，随即说道，露茜，当我象你一样小的时候，总是吃面包加黄油，或者面包加果酱，从来没有面包既加黄油又加果酱。露茜看了母亲一会儿，眼中露出怜悯的神情，然后她柔声说：您现在能跟我们生活在一起难道不感到高兴吗？

A Gentle Reminder委婉提醒

Having been married a long time, my husband sometimes needs a gentle reminder of a special occasion. On the morning of our 35th anniversary, we were sitting at the breakfast table when I hinted, "Honey, do you realize that we've been sitting in these same two seats for exactly 35 years?"

Putting down the newspaper, he looked straight at me and said, "So, you want to switch seats?"

婚后已久，我丈夫往往在一个特别事情上需要委婉的提醒。在我们结婚35周年纪念的早上，

我们正坐在早餐桌旁，我暗示道：“亲爱的，你意识到我们在这两个相同的座位上已坐了整整35年了吗？”

他放下报纸，眼睛直直地望着我：“因此，你想交换座位吗？”

一分一块钱 A dollar per point

A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait.

Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point."

The next class the professor handed the tests back out. This student got back his test and $64 change.

一天，教授正在给学生们监考。他发下试卷，然后回到讲台前等待。

考试结束了，学生们纷纷交回试卷。教授发现一张试卷上别着一张百元钞票，还有一张纸条写着：“一分一块钱。”【幽默的英文段子】【幽默的英文段子】

第二堂课，教授把试卷都发回学生们手中。其中一个学生不但得到了试卷还得到64块钱的找零。【幽默的英文段子】

（派乐多英语提供，更多感兴趣的内容，请访问：派乐多英语）

【英语趣闻】美国人最喜欢的幽默段子
幽默的英文段子(三)

【英语趣闻】美国人最喜欢的幽默段子

1、I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best. 我的品味最简单了，我总是对最好的感到满意

注：前一句好像在说自己对品味要求不高

2、If you love something set it free, but don't be surprised if it comes back with herpes.”

如果你爱某人，就给他自由，但是如果他患了疱疹回来，你不要吃惊

3、Wisdom comes from experience. Experience is often a result of lack of wisdom.

智慧来自经验，经验常常是缺少智慧的结果

4、Hey, Rosalie? Do you know how to drown a blonde? Stick a mirror to the bottom of a pool.

嘿，Rosalie？你知道怎样淹死一个金发美女吗？在池塘底部粘上一面镜子 注：美国有不少说金发美女愚蠢的笑话，在池底照镜子被淹死了

5、In the beginning there was nothing, which exploded.

起初，什么也没有，然后就爆炸了

注：宇宙中最早什么也没有，然后就大爆炸了

6、Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

生活不模仿艺术，它模仿糟糕的电视节目

注：人们的生活没有那么高的艺术性，年轻人模仿一些糟糕的电视节目而已

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7、To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness.

失去一个父母可能会被认为是不幸，两个都lose(失去，走丢)看起来就像是粗心了。

注：第一个“lose”是“失去”的意思，第二个”lose”应该是“丢失”的意思，没看好父母，把父母丢了，这孩子太粗心了。【幽默的英文段子】

8、What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course”

我在床上穿什么？

——这还用问吗？当然是香奈儿5号

9、The older I grow, the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom.

我岁数越大越不相信“岁月带来智慧”这种熟悉的说法。

注：意思是“我岁数越来越大，可为什么还不见智慧的到来”。

10、The trouble with being in the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.”

商业上激烈竞争的不幸是，即使你胜了，你依然是一只老鼠

注：rat race(商界的)激烈竞争；字面意思：老鼠竞赛

11、Just because you're beautiful and perfect,it's made you conceited. 正是因为你美丽、完美，才让你变得自负

注：真会夸人

12、Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose.

老鼠是要让我们明白，自然界不是每样东西都有用途

13、The covers of this book are too far apart.

这本书的封面相距太远了

注：说那本书很厚

14、That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.”【幽默的英文段子】

这就是他们为什么称之为美国梦，因为你一定要睡着了才能相信它

15、You're an idiot.

I've never claimed to be otherwise.

你是个傻瓜

——我从来没有声称我不是

16、Confidence is ignorance. If you're feeling cocky, it's because there's something you don't know.

自信是无知，如果你感到过于自信，那是因为有些事情你不知道

17、Technically, I am unarmed. But no one should ever underestimate the harm that fingernails can do. Especially if the target is unprepared.” 严格法律意义上讲，我没带武器，但是谁也不应该低估指甲能够造成的伤害，特别是如果目标没有准备

18、There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.

世界上只有一件事情比被人谈论更糟糕，那就是不被人谈论

注：很多演员说讨厌被人八卦，不被人八卦才着急呢

19、If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood. I'd type a little faster.

如果我的医生告诉我，我的生命只剩下6分钟了，我就不会沉思了，我打字会更快一些

20、Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee And I'll forgive Thy great big one on me.

哦，上帝，如果你原谅我跟你开的小玩笑

我会原谅你跟我开的大玩笑

幽默的英语句子
幽默的英文段子(四)

1、when two's pany， three's the result!
两个人的状态是不稳定的，三个人才是!

2、children in backseats cause accidents。 accidents in backseats cause children。
后排座位上的小孩会生出意外，后排座位上的意外会生出小孩。

3、god made relatives; thank god we can choose our friends。幽默的英语句子。
神决定了谁是你的亲戚，幸运的是在选择朋友方面他给了你留了余地。

4、there should be a better way to start a day than waking up every morning。
应该有更好的方式开始新一天，而不是千篇一律的在每个上午都醒来。

5、never put off the work till tomorrow what you can put off today。
不要等明天交不上差再找借口，今天就要找好。

6、success is a relative term。 it brings so many relatives。幽默的英语句子。
成功是一个相关名词，他会给你带来很多不相关的亲戚(联系)。

7、a dress is like a barbed fence。 it protects the premises without restricting the view。
服饰就象铁丝网，它阻止你冒然行动但并不妨碍你尽情的观看。

8、every man should marry。 after all， happiness is not the only thing in life。
再快乐的单身汉迟早也会结婚，幸福不是永久的嘛。

9、love is photogenic。 it needs darkness to develop。
爱情就象照片，需要大量的暗房时间来培养。

10、the wise never marry， and when they marry they bee otherwise。
聪明人都是未婚的，结婚的人很难再聪明起来。

11、one should love animals。 they are so tasty。
每个人都应该热爱动物，因为它们很好吃。

12、the more you learn，the more you know， the more you know， the more you forget。 the more you forget， the less you know。 so why bother to learn。
学的越多，知道的越多，知道的越多，忘记的越多，忘记的越多，知道的越少，为什么学来着?

13、money is not everything。 there's mastercard visa。
钞票不是万能的，有时还需要信用卡。

14、save water。 shower with your girlfriend。
要节约用水，尽量和女友一起洗澡。

15、behind every successful man， there is a woman。 and behind every unsuccessful man， there are two。
每个成功男人的背后，都有一个女人。每个不成功男人的背后，都有两个。

16、work fascinates me。 i can look at it for hours!
“工作好有意思耶!”尤其是看着别人工作。

17、hard work never killed anybody。 but why take the risk 。
“努力工作不会导致死亡!”不过我不会用自己去证明。

18、love the neighbor。 but don't get caught。
要用心去爱你的邻居，不过不要让她的老公知道。

搞笑的英文句子或短语
幽默的英文段子(五)

1、constant dropping wears the stone。
(滴水穿石。)

2、if a thing is worth doing it is worth doing well。
(如果事情值得做，就值得做好。搞笑的英文句子或短语。)

3、one should love animals。 they are so tasty。
每个人都应该热爱动物，因为它们很好吃。

4、misfortunes never e alone/single。
(祸不单行。)

5、actions speak louder than words。
(行动比语言更响亮。搞笑的英文句子或短语。)

6、before liang zhuge ing out， he didnt have experience in leading the army! why i should have experience when look for a job
诸葛亮出山前，也没带过兵!凭啥我就要工作经验

7、from small beginning e great things。
(伟大始于渺小。)

8、love the neighbor。 but don't get caught。
要用心去爱你的邻居，不过不要让她的老公知道。

9、the wise never marry， and when they marry they bee otherwise。
聪明人都是未婚的，结婚的人很难再聪明起来。

10、nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm。
(无热情成就不了伟业。)

11、better late than never。
(迟做总比不做好；晚来总比不来好。)

12、lifeless， faultless。
(只有死人才不犯错误。 )

13、there should be a better way to start a day than waking up every morning。
应该有更好的方式开始新一天，而不是千篇一律的在每个上午都醒来。

14、misfortunes tell us what fortune is。
(不经灾祸不知福。 )

15、truth never fears investigation。
(事实从来不怕调查。)

16、“hard work never killed anybody。” but why take the risk
努力工作不会导致死亡!不过我不会用自己去证明。

17、save water。 shower with your girlfriend。
要节约用水，尽量和女友一起洗澡。

18、it's never too late to mend。
(过而能改，善莫大焉；亡羊补牢，犹未晚也。)

19、behind every successful man， there is a woman。 and behind every unsuccessful man， there are two。
每个成功男人的背后，20、one today is worth two tomorrows。
(一个今天胜似两个明天。)

21、if you saw the dark in front of you， dont be afriad， that's because sunshine is at your back。
如果你看到面前的阴影，别怕，那是因为你的背后有阳光……