搞笑的短剧本中英文

搞笑的短剧本中英文篇一：英语幽默短剧剧本

中小学英语版情景对话

英语情景对话--交流

Getting people’s attention 引起别人注意

1. Can I talk to you ? 能和你谈一下吗?

2. Can we talk? 能一块儿谈谈吗?

3. Let‟s talk. 我们谈谈吧。

4. Excuse me. You got a minute? 对不起，能耽误你一分钟吗?

5. May I have a word with you? 能和你说句话吗?

Launching conversation with a piece of news. 讲述一条消息来打开话题

1. Listen up. 听着。

2. Now hear this! 你听着!

3. Get a load of this. 你听听这个。(load:大量，许多)

4. Are you ready for this? 想听着。

5. Guess what? 你猜怎么的?

Asking other people if they understand 问别人是否听明白了

1. Do you understand? 你明白吗?

2. Do you know that I mean? 知道我的意思吗?

3. See what I mean? 明白我的意思吗?

4. Do you know what I‟m talking about? 知道我讲的是什么吗?

5. Know what I‟m saying? 知道我在说什么吗?

Indicating that you understand 表示明白对方的意思.

1. I hear you 知道了.

2. I got you. 明白了.

3. I can see that. 这一点我明白.

4. I hear what you‟re saying. 我明白你的意思.

5. Okay, I know just what you mean. 嗯,我明白你的意思.

If you do not catch what was said 假如你没听清对方说的话.

1. I beg you pardon? 对不起,你说什么?

2. What was that? 你说什么?

3. Say what? 你说什么?

4. Excuse me? What did you say? 对不起,你说什么?

5. I‟m sorry. I missed that. 对不起,我没听清.

英语情景对话,商务英语对话 - 赞同& 反对

Agreement & Disagreement 赞同& 反对

Simple agreement 简单的赞同语

1. Yes. 是的.

2. Yeah. 是的.

3. Yep. 是的.

4. Yup. 是的. (yeah , yeh 和 yup 都是口语中yes的变体. )

5. Sure. 当然.

Saying that you agree. 表示赞同

1. I quite agree with you. 我很赞同你的看法.

2. I share your view on that. 对这件事我们看法一致.

3. I‟m sure you are right. 当然你是对的.

4. I don‟t think anyone would disagree. 我想没人会反对.

5. I have no problem with that. 对这一点我没有异议.

Qualified or partial agreement 有保留的或部分赞同

1. Could be. 也许.

2. If you say so. 既然你这么说.

3. So it seems. 好像是这么回事.

4. So to speak. 可以那么说.

5. In a manner of speaking. 不妨这么说吧.

Simple disagreement 简单的反对语

1. No. 不

2. Nope. 不

3. Not really. 不是吧.

4. Not at all. 绝不是

5. Of course not.当然不是

Saying that you disagree. 表示不同意

1. I don‟t think so. 我不这么想.

2. Do you really think so? 你真的这么想吗?

3. Don‟t be too sure. 别那么肯定.

4. Don‟t speak too soon. 话不要说得太早.

5. I wouldn‟t say that. 我并不那么忍为.

Showing strong disagreement 表示较强烈的反对.

1. No, I won‟t agree! Don‟t waste your breath. 不. 我不会同意的. 别跟我这儿费口舌.

2. Do you expect me to accept that? 你以为我会接受吗?

3. Over my dead body! 我死也不会同意!

4. What are you talking about? 你在说什么呀?

5. Are you kidding? 你在开玩笑吗?

A: today is my!but，I almost forget. 对了，今天是我的生日。我几乎忘了 B：Happy birthday, A ! Here is a present for you. I hope you like it. A:Oh, great! I love it! You know I've been expecting this for a long time. B: I'm very glad to hear that.

C：hi， D today we are you going？

D：wo，today is A‘s birthday。Have you forgetten？

C: I`ve got to get a birthday gift for A。What are you going to get her? D：ti is a secret

C、D：Happy birthday, here are gift for you.

A：Oh, chocolates，I love chocolates

D:hat's in the box then?

A：Oh,what a nice toy car!

E：I`ve got a real problem.

F：What`s the problem?

E：you know。Today is a A’birthday

F: yes, What are you going to get her?

E: I need to get something more thoughtful.

F: I bought her a nice necklace.

G:hi B。Where are you？

B：I'm in the A house, you come?

G：I've just bought a present。'll be coming

B：Yes, h don't know where you put him over to play

G：Well, wait to meet

G、H: Happy birthdayA, We arrived late. This is a present for you, i hope it can promote best

A：Oh, great! I love it! You know。H thank you can come today

H：Yes, because i know you today the most beautiful

A：Come here; let me introduce some friends to you.

GH: ,E , You are so, right?

E：Tell, i am happy starved

H: Oh, a, we will blow out the candles out

A: I get a cake. oh, and a cola and i'm thirsty

H: What shall i come to help？

A：Friends and come this way.

CDF：Wow, what a beautiful cake!

搞笑的短剧本中英文篇二：英语幽默短剧剧本

英语幽默短剧剧本The Pocket Money

Scene1（At Salesman’s home）

N: In a dark dirty house, there lived a small, dirty salesman. He always makes unhealthy candies and sells them to the students. He has a lot of money now. But how does he make the candies? Oh, xu …… He is coming! S: Hello, do you know me? No? Oh, let me tell you .I’m the famous candy salesman at the school gate. My candies are very popular,(展示)，I don’t know why. The foolish students always come here. I’ll be a boss soon! Candy, money, candy, money……

Oops! It’s time to make candies now.(看表)

First, put the flour on the table.

Then, water, sugar, flour.(边说边做)

Now press, press……

Oh, my dirty hands! Never mind! Just do it!(满不在意的神情)

Press, press……

Oh, my god!Never mind! Just do it!

Press, press, the children will not know it , it’s OK,hehehe…… Now let me cut it into pieces!

另一个

白雪公主与七个小矮人 Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs 英文短剧本

旁白：Once upon a time, there was a queen. She had a pretty daughter named Snow White. Soon after the child was born, the queen died. The queen married another queen. The stepmother was very jealous. She dressed Snow White in rags and forced her to do the housework all day and all night, such as sweep and mop the floor, do some cleaning, carry water and so on. 白雪：( Sweep and mop the floor, do some cleaning, carry water and so on.) 皇后：I’m the new queen. I’m very beautiful. you see. If anyone is more beautiful than me, I’ll kill her. I have a magic mirror. If I want to know something, It will tell me surely.Now, mirror, mirror, come here! 魔镜：Yes, I’m coming. Your Majesty! What do you want to know? 皇后：Mirror, mirror, on the wall.Who is the fairest of the all?

魔镜：Yes. Your Majesty! You are the fairest of all, I think.But there is a young lady. She is as white as snow, as red as rose and as black as ebony.She is much more beautiful than you.

皇后：She is much more beautiful than me?Who is she? Tell me quickly. 本文来自:VOA英语网 文章地址:

搞笑的短剧本中英文篇三：英语搞笑短剧剧本

三打白骨精

Three Times’ Beating Monster

人物：T唐僧S：孙悟空 E：猪八戒

J：沙僧

B：白骨精（何平） B1：B变成的村姑 B2：B变成的太婆B3：B变化成的老头 T: Emitofo,do you know where we are now?

S: Bajie,map!

E: (摸出，递给S)

S: Look,boss (凑近T)………（T、S一齐转向E）

T: Bajie!How Many times I have told you, don’t bring these pictures of beautiful girls!

E: Oh, boss!Forgive me(伸手拿回)

T: (缩手)I’ll keep it for you until we reach the west

E: But……

T: Emitofo,nothing is lust,lust is nothing! Map?

E: (递)Here.Em…… we have arrived in White Tiger Mountain!Ah I can’t walk on any more!(坐)My stomach doesn’t allow So.

S: Fat Pig!

E: Monkey,if you dare to say these two words once again,I will ,I will………. S: You will what(凶相)?

E: (软禁)I will help you catch fleas(跳蚤).

S: Hm!

T:（轻咳）Wukong,factually,I am a bit hungry Could you go to get me some food?

E: You see , boss is hungry,too!

T: Baijie!Don’t forget who ate my last meal!

J: But boss,if a monster comes while brother monkey is away….. T: Em…….It is a problem.Wukong,do you have any idea?

S: No problem!(安装)（B已躲在一旁偷看）

J: This is…..?

S: Electric net!I have learnt the energy of electricity from boss’s books. So I made this. No monster can approach you if you stay in it!

T: Em……Wukong, you are becoming more and more scientific! Emitofo, knowledge is power!

S: Bye!(走)

T: Let’s play cards!(三人开始打牌)音乐《斗地主》

B: Hm!Hm!Electric net?You are too childish.(变成B1)

B1: (接近三人，望着)Can I join you?

J: I’m sorry,lady. We are playing Fighting Against landowner and three people are enough.

B1: (在一旁观看)Oh,Chance! Bomb!

T: Bomb?(打出)

B1: Double King!

T: Oh….I win! Em……,Lady,you are a boss-hand. Come in and teach me!(准备开电网门)

S: (回来，看见B1)Oh,monster!(上前就打)

B1: （倒)Ah……

T: (气愤)Wukong! Look what have done! She is my teacher!

S: She is a monster!

T: Nonsense!(深呼吸)

S: Oh,please don’t……

T:It’s too late!(唱)Once more……you open the door…(泰坦尼克主题曲，走音离谱)

S: Please,Please,oh,no……(痛苦抱头)

T: (呛住，咳)Wukong,I’m disappointed with you!

B: (真身出现)Hm!Sun Wukong, I’ll teach you a lesson!(变成太婆) B2:Hello,have you seen my daughter?

T: Daughter?...(连忙挡住地尸体)No,sorry!(陪笑，B2想看后面是什么，T挡) S: （咬牙切齿）You monster, I’ll beat you into hell!(S追打B2,B2躲至T身后，S打，不想打到T头，T晕，S再打死B2)

E&J: Are you Ok, boss?(扶T)

J: Look,(伸食指)how many?

T:Two…..(晕乎乎地)Sun Wukong, game over!(变成B3)

B3: (看到B1,B2尸体)Oh….,my daughter, my wife! Who did it?!!(哭喊) S: I’ll kill you, monster!(打)

T: （想阻止，未及）You,you.....(险些晕，E,J扶住 )You have killed three lives! S: No,they are not human beings!They are created by monster! T: Monster?You are a real monster!Never let me see you,go!!

S: (悲，离去)（音乐，营造 “假”悲伤气氛）《人鬼情未了》

J: boss, brother Monkey is.......

T: Don't mention that guy any more!

B: (出现) Ha,ha,ha!(三尸体B1,B2,B3在B招手后“飘”走)

T: （惊）You are......

B: How foolish you are ,Mr Tang!(E,J去阻斗，被击退)

B: (抓住T)I'll enjoy your meat and blood,ha,ha......

S: (悄悄走到B后，打B,B晕)A thousand years later.

T: Wukong?

E: Oh,Brother Monkey!

J: Our hero is back!

T: I,I can't understand......What happened?

S: Boss,your IQ needs increasing! This monster changed its appearance into three shapes in order to cheat you!

T: How,how did you find out?

S: (沉默).......Monkey's intuition(直觉)

T: Wukong(S不理T)I admit my mistake this time(S仍不理)I'm sorry(小声) S: What?

T: I'm sorry.

S: Em? Louder,please?

T: I......am......sorry.....(S 捂耳)（音乐响）《敢问路在何方》（这个放伴奏） (谢幕)

搞笑的短剧本中英文篇四：英语搞笑短剧剧本[1]

三打白骨精

Three Times’ Beating Monster

人物：T唐僧S：孙悟空 E：猪八戒

J：沙僧

B：白骨精（何平） B1：B变成的村姑 B2：B变成的太婆B3：B变化成的老头

T: Emitofo,do you know where we are now?

S: Bajie,map!

E: (摸出，递给S)

S: Look,boss (凑近T)………（T、S一齐转向E）

T: Bajie!How Many times I have told you, don’t bring these pictures of beautiful girls!

E: Oh, boss!Forgive me(伸手拿回)

T: (缩手)I’ll keep it for you until we reach the west

E: But……

T: Emitofo,nothing is lust,lust is nothing! Map?

E: (递)Here.Em…… we have arrived in White Tiger Mountain!Ah I can’t walk on any more!(坐)My stomach doesn’t allow So. S: Fat Pig!

E: Monkey,if you dare to say these two words once again,I will ,I will……….

S: You will what(凶相)?

E: (软禁)I will help you catch fleas(跳蚤).

S: Hm!

T:（轻咳）Wukong,factually,I am a bit hungry Could you go to get me some food?

E: You see , boss is hungry,too!

T: Baijie!Don’t forget who ate my last meal!

J: But boss,if a monster comes while brother monkey is away…..

T: Em…….It is a problem.Wukong,do you have any idea?

S: No problem!(安装)（B已躲在一旁偷看）

J: This is…..?

S: Electric net!I have learnt the energy of electricity from boss’s books. So I made this. No monster can approach you if you stay in it!

T: Em……Wukong, you are becoming more and more scientific! Emitofo, knowledge is power!

S: Bye!(走)

T: Let’s play cards!(三人开始打牌)音乐《斗地主》

B: Hm!Hm!Electric net?You are too childish.(变成B1)

B1: (接近三人，望着)Can I join you?

J: I’m sorry,lady. We are playing Fighting Against landowner and three people are enough.

B1: (在一旁观看)Oh,Chance! Bomb!

T: Bomb?(打出)

B1: Double King!

T: Oh….I win! Em……,Lady,you are a boss-hand. Come in and teach me!(准备开电网门)

S: (回来，看见B1)Oh,monster!(上前就打)

B1: （倒)Ah……

T: (气愤)Wukong! Look what have done! She is my teacher!

T: Nonsense!(深呼吸)

S: Oh,please don’t……

T:It’s too late!(唱)Once more……you open the door…(泰坦尼克主题曲，走音离谱)

S: Please,Please,oh,no……(痛苦抱头)

T: (呛住，咳)Wukong,I’m disappointed with you!

B: (真身出现)Hm!Sun Wukong, I’ll teach you a lesson!(变成太婆)

B2:Hello,have you seen my daughter?

T: Daughter?...(连忙挡住地尸体)No,sorry!(陪笑，B2想看后面是什么，T挡)

S: （咬牙切齿）You monster, I’ll beat you into hell!(S追打B2,B2躲至T身后，S打，不想打到T头，T晕，S再打死B2) E&J: Are you Ok, boss?(扶T)

J: Look,(伸食指)how many?

T:Two…..(晕乎乎地)Sun Wukong, game over!(变成B3)

B3: (看到B1,B2尸体)Oh….,my daughter, my wife! Who did it?!!(哭喊)

S: I’ll kill you, monster!(打)

T: （想阻止，未及）You,you.....(险些晕，E,J扶住 )You have killed three lives!

S: No,they are not human beings!They are created by monster!

T: Monster?You are a real monster!Never let me see you,go!!

S: (悲，离去)（音乐，营造 “假”悲伤气氛）《人鬼情未了》

J: boss, brother Monkey is.......

T: Don't mention that guy any more!

B: (出现) Ha,ha,ha!(三尸体B1,B2,B3在B招手后“飘”走)

T: （惊）You are......

B: How foolish you are ,Mr Tang!(E,J去阻斗，被击退)

B: (抓住T)I'll enjoy your meat and blood,ha,ha......

S: (悄悄走到B后，打B,B晕)A thousand years later.

T: Wukong?

E: Oh,Brother Monkey!

J: Our hero is back!

T: I,I can't understand......What happened?

S: Boss,your IQ needs increasing! This monster changed its appearance into three shapes in order to cheat you! T: How,how did you find out?

S: (沉默).......Monkey's intuition(直觉)

T: Wukong(S不理T)I admit my mistake this time(S仍不理)I'm sorry(小声)

S: What?

T: I'm sorry.

S: Em? Louder,please?

T: I......am......sorry.....(S 捂耳)（音乐响）《敢问路在何方》（这个放伴奏）

(谢幕)

《孔雀东南飞》

Wanderseveryfivemiles

焦仲卿Johnny(Jforshort)刘兰芝Lunch(Lforshort)

太守之子Mayor’sson(MSforshort)强盗Burglars(ABandC)

Prologue

(J作被打状跑上台,内砸出一卷纸筒,J被打中,狼狈不堪)

J:EverybodysaysthatI’mhenpecked,butinfact,I’masstrongasatiger,(小声)whilemy

wifeisWuSong.

(指着上台处的门大声道)I’mnotafraidofyou!

(内砸出一脸盆,Ｊ接住当成盾牌护着头)Then,I’mafraidofwhom?

MywifeLunchisthemostfamouswomanintheneighbor-hood.Sheisbraverthanme,

smarterthanmeandstrongerthanme.AllthisIdonotcare.Ionlywanthertobetender

thanme.Butsheisnot!Havingawifelikethisisjustlikelivinginthehell!

(内又砸出一卷纸筒,击中J)

MyGod!Whocanhelpme?(下)

Act1

(序幕结束时,JM作窃听状)

JM(拄拐棍上):Ican!

(对门内)Lunch!Lunch!Whereareyou?

L(扎着围裙,拿着锅铲,从门内跳出来):I’mhere!What’supmum?

JM:I’vetoldyouagainandagainthatyoushouldcallme“mymostbeautifulgracefuland

dearestmother-in-law”.

L:OK.Mymostbeautifulgracefulanddearestmother-in-law,what’sup?

JM:Sinceyoumarriedmysonyouhavebehavedsobadly.Youhavebeensorude,sobrusque,so

lazy……

L:But……

JM:Neverinterruptme!

L:Neverinterruptme!SinceImarriedyourson,thatterribleJohnny,Ihavebeenworkinghardall daylong,cookingandwashing.Ihaveraisedtensofthousandsofpigsandducksandchicken

and……

JM:Butallthoseyouhavedonearenotasvaluableasagrandson!

L(生气地挥动着锅铲):Oh,youwantagrandson,don’tyou?(开始解围裙)Goandaskyour

son.I’mleaving!(扯下围裙,扔在JM的脸上,下)

Act2

(LM坐在台上打毛线,L拿着锅铲上)

L:Mum,I’mback!

LM:Youareback?Why?Whathappened?

L:Iwaskickedoutbymymostbeautifulgracefulanddearestmother–in-law.

LM(惊讶,但随即露出幸灾乐祸的神情):See!Ihavealreadytoldyou!Whenyouinsistedon

marryingthatterribleJohnny,Itoldyouthatheisuglystupidandpoor,butyoudidnotlisten

tome.Lookatyourself……

L:But,mum……

L:Mum,I’mnotinterruptingyou.IjustwanttotellyouthatyouarealwaysrightOK?And

I’llmarrywhomeveryouwantmeto.

LM(大喜):Nicegirl!Justnow,Imetthemayor’ssoninthemarket.Hesaid:“Ifyoudaughter Haven’tbeenmarried,Ireallyreallywanttomarryher!”Nowyouarefreeagain,I’llgo

andtellhim.(下)

L(惊愕):What?Themayor’sson?Themostfamousplayboyintheneighbor-hood?(手中的锅 铲掉在地上)WhatasillythingIhavedone!(下)

Act3

(J睡眼惺忪上)

J(边走边道):Lunch!Lunch!Wherearemysocks?

(走了几步,在地上捡起袜子)Heretheyare!(闻一下) Er!Howsmelly!Theyarestilldirty!

(突然想起)Lunchhasgone!Ihavetowashthemmyself.

(他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起来)Oh,I’msohungry!Butthere’snobreakfast!(捡起地上的围 裙)ThisiswhatLunchalwayswears!Imisshersomuch,andherexcellentcookingskill!Now

shehasgone.Ihavetocookformymotherandmyself.

JM(上):Where’smybreakfast?Where’sLunch?Hasn’tshegotupyet?

J:Mum,can’tyouremember?Lunchhasgone!

JM(沉吟片刻):Well,totellyouthetruthJohnny,asonwithoutawifeisuseless.Lunchisanice

girl,goandtakeherback!

J(立正敬礼):Yesmadam!

Act4

(J开心地走着，忽然跳出来三个强盗)

A:Heyyou!Stopandlistentous!

Theroadisbuiltbyme!(抬脚重重地踩在一块大石头上)

B:AndIplantedonetree!(亦抬脚踩在同一块石头上)

C:Ifyouwanttogobythisstreet---(欲踩石头，但踩到了A的脚)

AB&C:Giveusallyourmoney!

J(搜遍了每一个口袋，掏出１角硬币):Is1maoenough?

(三强盗晕倒状，接着三人聚在一边商量)

A:Whatbadluck!Thisguyisbroken!

B:Ifwecannotrobanymoneytoday,wewillhavenothingtoeattonight!

C:Iheardthatthemayor’ssonisgoingtomarryMissLiuLanzhinextmonth.WEcangoand

robthewedding!

A&B:Goodidea!

J(惊讶):What?What?Lunchisgoingtogetmarried?It’simpossible!

AB&C:Why?Aprettygirlandarichman,whatagoodcouple!

J:ButLunchismywife!Wehaven’tgotdivorcedyet!

(突然有了主意)I’vegotanidea!Youaregoingtorobthewedding,don’tyou?I’llgo

withyou.YoutakethemoneyandItakethebride.

B:Haveyougotanyexperience?

J:No.ButI’vegotthis!(J脱下鞋子从里面摸出一张支票，上书＄１，０００，０００)

Act5

(转眼已到了婚礼之期．MS意气风发用红绸牵着新娘上，J盖着红盖头极不情愿地被拉上台) (J和三强盗跃至台中)

ABC&J:Heyyou!Stopandlistentous!

A:Theroadisbuiltbyme!

B:AndIplantedonetree.

C:Ifyouwanttogobythisstreet---

J:Giveusallyourmoney!

(L听到J的声音，掀起了盖头)

L(惊喜万分):Johnny!(不顾一切地飞奔到J的身边并躲到了的身后)

(MS大怒，挥拳向J打来．J矮身一躲，MS打中了J身后的L，L晕倒)

J(火冒三丈):Howdareyoubeatmywife!（挥拳向MS冲去）

(J与MS混战，JM上，以拐杖击晕MS)

(J将MS胸前的新郎标志扯下戴在自己胸前)

J(扶起L，关切地问):Honey,howareyou?

L(哭状):Ihurtalot!

J:Don’tcrybaby.I’llgoandfetchthemedicine. (下)

L(起身去追):Waitforme! (跑下)

(音乐起 CanYouCelebrate)

Big words of western tour （大话西游）

Chapter 1

Site：The wedding

Characters:牛魔王 、至尊宝、紫霞、小妖

Aside: The story begins with a wedding. The Bull King is going to have a concubine.

牛：Today is my wedding. I am going to have a concubine. Ha ha ha „„.

妖：Concubine? Dose your wife agree to it?

牛：Oh! She is not lovely anymore. She’s right now at the Flame Mountain. She can do nothing about it!

(至尊宝从后台走入人群中)

牛：Let me introduce my brother to you! My bro!

Come here! This is my brother.

(牛深情地转向紫霞)

搞笑的短剧本中英文篇五：孔雀东南飞--英语搞笑短剧剧本

焦仲卿johnny(j for short)

刘兰芝lunch(l for short)

焦母johnny’s mother(jm for short)

刘母lunch’s mother(lm for short)

太守之子mayor’s son(ms for short)

强盗burglars(a b and c)

prologue 序幕

(j作被打状跑上台,内砸出一卷纸筒,j被打中,狼狈不堪)

j:everybody says that i’m hen pecked, but in fact,i’m a strong tiger,(小声)while my wife is wusong.

译：人人都说我怕老婆，实际上我是老虎，（小声）我妻子是武松。 (指着上台处的门大声道)i’m not afraid of you!

译：我才不怕你呢！

(内砸出一脸盆,j接住当成盾牌护着头)then, i’m afraid of whom! my wife lunchi is the most famous woman in the neighborhood. she is braver than me, smarter than me and stronger than me .all this i do not care. i only want her to be tenderer than me. but she is not! having a wife like this is just like living in the hell!

译：谁怕谁啊！在邻里中，我妻子是最有名气的。她比我勇敢、比我聪明、比我强壮。我也不在乎这些。我只觉得她该对我温柔些，但是她却不懂温柔！有这样的太太就像活在地狱中啊！

(内又砸出一卷纸筒,击中j)

my god! who can help me?(下)

译：我的天！谁来救救我啊？

act1 第一幕

(序幕结束时,jm作窃听状)

jm(拄拐棍上):i can!

(对门内)lunch! lunch! where are you?

l(扎着围裙,拿着锅铲,从门内跳出来):i’m here! what’s up ，mum?

jm:i have told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law”.

l:ok.my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law, what’s up?

jm:since you married my son you have behaved so badly. you have been so rude, so brusque,so lazy……

l:but……

jm:never interrupt me!

l:never interrupt me! since i married your son, that terrible johnny, i have been working hard all day long, cooking and washing. i have raised tens of thousands of pigs and ducks and chicken and……

jm: but all those you have done are not as valuable as a grandson!

l(生气地挥动着锅铲):oh, you want a grandson, don’t you?(开始解围裙)go and ask your son. i’m leaving!(扯下围裙,扔在jm的脸上,下)

act2

(lm坐在台上打毛线,l拿着锅铲上)

l: mum, i’m back!

lm: you are back?why? what happened?

l:i was kicked out by my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother–in-law.

lm(惊讶,但随即露出幸灾乐祸的神情):see! i have already told you! when you insisted on marrying that terrible johnny, i told you that he is ugly, stupid and poor, but you did not listen to me. look at yourself……

l: but, mum……

lm: never interrupt me!

l: mum, i’m not interrupting you. i just want to tell you that you are always right ok? And i’ll marry whomever you want me to.

lm(大喜): nice girl! just now, i met the mayor’s son in the market. he said, “if your daughter haven’t been married, i really really want to marry her!” now you are free again, i ’ll go and tell him.(下)

l(惊愕): what? the mayor’s son? the most famous playboy in the neighborhood? (手中的锅铲掉在地上)what a silly thing i have done!(下)

act3

(j睡眼惺忪上)

j(边走边道): lunch! lunch! where are my socks?(走了几步,在地上捡起袜子)here they are!(闻一下) er! how smelly! they are still dirty! (突然想起)lunch has gone! i have to wash them myself. (他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起来)oh, i’m so hungry! but there’s no breakfast!(捡起地上的围裙)this is what lunch always wears! i miss her so much, and her excellent cooking skill! Now she has gone. i have to cook for my mother and myself.

jm(上): where’s my breakfast? where’s lunch? hasn’t she got up yet?

j: mum, can’t you remember? lunch has gone!

jm(沉吟片刻): well, to tell you the truth johnny, a son without a wife is useless. lunch is a nice girl, go and take her back!

j(立正敬礼): yes madam!

act4

(j开心地走着，忽然跳出来三个强盗)

a: hey you! stop and listen to us!

the road is built by me!(抬脚重重地踩在一块大石头上)

b: and i planted one tree!(亦抬脚踩在同一块石头上)

c: if you want to go by this street---(欲踩石头，但踩到了a的脚)

ab&c: give us all your money!

j(搜遍了每一个口袋，掏出1角硬币):is 1mao enough?

(三强盗晕倒状，接着三人聚在一边商量)

a: what bad luck! this guy is broken!

b: if we cannot rob any money today, we will have nothing to eat tonight!

c: i heard that the mayor’s son is going to marry miss liu lanzhi next month. we can go and rob the wedding!

a&b: good idea!

j(惊讶): what? what? lunch is going to get married? it’s impossible!

ab&c: why? a pretty girl and a rich man, what a good couple!

j: but lunch is my wife! we haven’t got divorced yet!(突然有了主意) i’ve got an idea! you are going to rob the wedding, don’t you? i’ll go with you. you take the money and i take the bride.

b: have you got any experience?

j: no. but i’ve got this!(j脱下鞋子从里面摸出一张支票，上书＄1，000，000) act5

(转眼已到了婚礼之期．ms意气风发用红绸牵着新娘上，j盖着红盖头极不情愿地被拉上台)

(j和三强盗跃至台中)

abc&j: hey you! stop and listen to us!

a: the road is built by me!

b: and i planted one tree.

c: if you want to go by this street---

j: give us all your money!

(l听到j的声音，掀起了盖头)

l(惊喜万分): johnny!(不顾一切地飞奔到j的身边并躲到了的身后)

(ms大怒，挥拳向j打来．j矮身一躲，ms打中了j身后的l，l晕倒) j(火冒三丈): how dare you beat my wife!（挥拳向ms冲去）

(j与ms混战，jm上，以拐杖击晕ms)

(j将ms胸前的新郎标志扯下戴在自己胸前) j(扶起l，关切地问):honey, how are you? l(哭状): i hurt a lot!

j: don’t cry baby. i’ll go and fetch the medicine. (下) l(起身去追):wait for me! (跑下)

搞笑的短剧本中英文篇六：英语搞笑短剧剧本-西游记

Beat it!

人物：T:唐僧 陈鹏 M:孙悟空 陈中良 P:猪八戒 李涛 S:沙僧 魏涛 X:白骨精原型 李鹏程 X1:白骨精变成的男人

X2:白骨精变成的女人 刘佳佳 Q:女儿国王后 徐静静

T: Wow…,boys,this place looks beautiful. where we are now?Does any one of you young men know what this place is?

众徒弟们摇头，除了八戒在看书。

T: bajie, give me the map(不回头，懒洋洋的问)

T:bajie? Give the map to me!（严肃的问）

T：bajie! Give the fucking……..(转过身看到八戒在看书)

T:(很吃惊) hey！bajie，you are making youself a new man.what kind of book are you reading? Is it 《jingangjing》 or 《dabeizhou》?

八戒依旧看书，不理睬。

T:(凑过去)let me have a look at it!

八戒才注意，赶忙藏书。但为时已晚，T一把抢过。发现是封面女郎很惹火，眼神立刻变得温柔，接过书开始看

T：yao….xi…..(流口水，八戒看到，拿出卫生纸给唐僧擦，唐僧回过神来)

T:（转身训斥八戒）how many times I have told you! You are not supposed to read this kind of book! I will keep it for you until the trip is end…..(唐僧将画册掖到衣服里)

P:But..um,why boss,why you always said we can never touch girls?I just do not understand…

T:（sigh），how many times I have to tell you ,That is because…

(唐僧摆出一个酷酷的动作，一边跳舞，一边开始唱歌，Jackson的dangeous) ………

P:I know

T:Monkey,I am hungry.Go and get me some food….Shaseng,you go feed the horse. (声音放低)and I think it is the time for me to call my little honey pony(甜蜜的，一边掏出手机，回头看到八戒在身边) hey！pig, get out of here !give me some private space!

唐僧开始给Q打电话

T:hi..how you’re doing(不解释….)

Q:I am fine,but I miss you.Since you left,I can not stoping recalling the days we are together..but you do not even give me a call

T:oh darling….i am sorry.these boys are so gaush,it is not convenient to phone you.But you know I love you…oh…they are back! Fuck u boys,can you give me a moment of peace…

M:who you are phoning,boss?

T:er (支支吾吾的)I was just having a chat with Budda. where is my food? M:here! I found some delicious bananas!

T:bananas again?! How many times I have told you!i am a monk, not a monkey! I want meat, meat(加重语气)！don’t you understand? The next time,you still brings me nothing but bananas, I think we can do nothing but

eat your buddy pig(眼睛瞄向八戒，流口水)

（T拿起手机）

T:I will call you later，honey，I miss you

Q:me too,I will be on the phone,bye…

唐僧拿着香蕉，从衣服里掏出画册，做到一边边吃边看，边擦嘴…..

白骨精上场

X;Hahahaaa…I heard that any monster eating master tang will get a infinite life.how lucky am I,they are in my area.Wow,I get to come up with a plan. Ehn…..get it! i can pretend to be a poor man,so they will trust me.haha……change change……

转了几圈，变成了一个男人。

X1:I look great!

蹒跚的走过去

X1:hello,master..i have not have food for days….can you give me some?

T(瞄一眼，继续吃、看)what? i myself is starving now.out of here, you bastard! Pig,beat him,get him out of here.

M正好回来 将它打死.

T：er…..悟空，I told you to get him out of here,not beat him to death….. Next time don’t do this kind of thing(摇头但继续吃，看书)

M: whatever, all right(懒得解释)

（悟空看到美女画册，急忙凑上去看，师傅把画册上下左右移动，悟空随之移动，师傅发现了，开始说：）

Ah, wukong ,you want to have a look at it,aren’t you ,If you want to just tell me, I will give it to you, if you don’t tell me how can I know that you want to

have a look at it, even if you think in your heart that you want to have a look at it, if you don’t tell me, I still do not know that you want to have a look at it…….(悟空早已痛苦不堪，逃离此地)

T：wukong！come back！（唐僧摇摇头,继续看书)

X:（看到画册）ah…..I got a idea!

变成了一个女的

说话一定要嗲

X2:（曼妙的走过来，碰一下唐僧，唐僧不转头：leave me alone.x2有碰一下，唐僧依然不转头：I said leave me alone.这时，x2开口说话）

X2:hi….Mr handsome!

T:（转头）wow…hi beauty!（扔掉画册，背景音乐响起，only you，神情对视，过会儿）come here,do you want some food？take some bananes。 i am tang seng,you can call me Tanny

X:hi Tanny…you look great,maybe we can have some time together alone T:yeah,you are right, what are we waiting for?! Let us go!

(半路碰到悟空，悟空火眼金睛看出是妖怪)

M:Monster!!look at how I beat you….

（唐僧赶忙拦住）

T:what you are doing,you bastard monkey!this beautiful lady is my guest, M:boss,it is a monster,he change himself into a charming girl so as to attact you.he will eat you

T:bullshit!you must be fed up with this trip to west…..

（悟空执意要打，唐僧苦劝不听）

T：I think you little monkey need some punishment(摆姿势，要念咒语) M：（赶忙说）oh,no, master,not that spell.

Q:(sigh)it is so late!(念咒，喜洋洋美羊羊灰太狼红太郎，别看我只是一只羊……悟空落荒而走)

T安慰x2之后，继续走，一段路之后：

X2:hahaha…..look at who I am （变回原样，唐僧大喊救命）

.X2：i will eat you….

Q及时赶来，从悟空那里得知了情况

Q:monster!...stop！he is my man....

（转向T）you get attracted by this ugly monster,are you gay?（不可思议的） T：no, I am not！(有口莫辩)

Q（面向x）：who are you?

X:I am baigujing….and you？

Q:doesn’t matter.i will finish you（举起魔杖，要说阿瓦达索命，突然停住）Oh…but you look familiar….you are xiaobai?

X:you are小小？ it must been hundreds of years since the last time I met you,where have you been these years.

Q:why do not contact me?

X:I do not know your number…..

this is your man?!

Q:how could it be possible(走过来，把唐僧拨拉到一旁)..i miss you，小白

搞笑的短剧本中英文篇七：搞笑英文多人剧本

Posts Tagged 搞笑剧本

《正义必胜》英语话剧剧本

5人短剧。搞笑的匪徒,搞笑的绑架案，不错的剧本。

人物

Bunny Cheng: Bunny Chen

Eliza Lin: Daughter

Celine Tu: Reporter et Aside

Sano Hsieh: Small gangster(小流氓)

Trent Cheng: Big gangster(大流氓)

——————————————————————————–

SCENE I

A mother is doing exercise in the living room when the phone is ringing. And her daughter is in the school now.

Mom: Hello~

Caller: (A boy is crying.) Ha! Your kid is here. Do you hear his voice? If you want to save your kid, prepare the ransom.

Mom: Are you crazy? I don’t have a son!!! Don’t try to cheat me. Stupid guy! The mother is very angry and hung up the phone. But later… the phone is ringing again… Mom: Hello~

Caller: Hello~ Are you busy now?

Mom: (I recognize the voice.) You are a fraud, right? Do you want to trick me again? Is it fun? Don’t do such a boring thing, O.K.? I won’t believe you.

Caller: Really? Listen to this.(A girl is crying on the phone, ‖mom, help me~ help me~) Mom: Oh~ you are a good actor. This time is better but I still won’t fall into your trap to rob me of my money! If you call again, I will call the cop. Do you understand? (Hang up the phone more angrier.)

But the voice sounds like her daughter’s and the mom is not disturbed. She decides to go to the elementary school to see her daughter. The mom got there…

Mom: Eliza~

Eliza: Mom~ why you are here? Are you missing me? Do you come here to pick me up?

Mom: Ya~ are you happy in the school? Let’s go home. I want to tell you something on the way home.

Mom tells Eliza about the phone scam and wants her to be careful from now on.

SCENE II

Because the mother didn’t believe the two gangsters really kidnapped her kid, the gangsters were furious. So they decided to kidnap her daughter this time.

The gangsters have found the school her daughter studies in, and observed for many days. Today is the day they plan to kidnap the child.

The big gangster always focuses on what he’s doing but the small gangster is usually absent-minded.

Big gangster: Hey! Concentrate!! (The big gangster hit the small gangster’s head) Small gangster: Ouch! O.K. O.K.

At this moment, the girl appears.

Small gangster: (Check the picture.) Hey!! Buddy!! Look! Is that her?

Big gangster: Ha! Ha! Ha! It’s hunting time.

Small gangster: I’m so excited!! Oh~ what a beautiful girl. Just like a fairy. My sweetheart… Buddy do you know? I feel that I get butterflies in my stomach!

Big gangster: (Hitting the small gangster’s head again.) Hey! Wake up!! Stop day-dreaming. Let’s make a move!

Small gangster: Oh~ my baby~ I’m coming!!

Big gangster: Hey!! Lady!! Can you do me a favor?

Eliza: Sure! What can I do for you?

Small gangster: (Murmuring) This beautiful lady has a beautiful heart.

Big gangster: Sorry. Ignore what he said.

Eliza: Never mind!

Big gangster: Thanks! I want to go to Tunghai University. Do you know how can I get there? Eliza: Oh… you should go straight until the traffic light, then turn right until you see a convenience store at the corner and turn left. Keep going straight and you would see the university.

Big gangster: Go straight until the first traffic light, turn right and we will see a supermarket at the end of the street. And…

Eliza: No! No! No! Go straight until the traffic light, then turn right until you see a convenience store at the corner and turn left. Keep going straight and you would see the university.

Small gangster: Go straight until the first traffic light, then turn left and go straight to the end of the street, then we can see the university.

Eliza: Oh, my! No! Wrong again! You two are really a stupid guy.

Big gangster: It’s too complex. I can’t remember all the directions. I’m a foreigner. And I have an important presentation there. Could you go with us, guide us there? Please~

Eliza was confused. But she is a kind person and she likes to help people.

Eliza: Umm… let me think… okay!! Let’s go!

Small gangster: How kind of you!! My little girl.

Big gangster: Sorry. Just ignore him. Thank for your help.

Eliza goes with the gangsters.

In the gangsters’ car, the small gangster suddenly shows a sharp knife. And shouts, ―Don’t move!‖ Eliza is shocked and starts screaming.

Eliza: What are you doing?

Small gangster: I’m kidnapping you!

Eliza: Oh~ I am so scared.

Small gangster: (Talk to the big gangster.) Did you hear that, she is scared?

Big gangster: Ya~ we are professional.

Eliza: Not funny! I’m hungry. I want to go home! I want to go home! Small gangster: Shut up. Don’t be so noisy!

Eliza keeps crying.

Small gangster: You! Get out of the car!

Big gangster: (Hit the small gangster angrily!) Idiot! I have a stupid partner. (Disappointed) Eliza: I agree! (Nod head.)

Big gangster: Don’t cry baby, I give you a lollipop.

Eliza: Thank you. How kind of you.

SCENE III

Mother is preparing dinner.

Mom: Eliza! Eliza! Time for dinner! I’m hungry! Hurry up!

No one answers her. And she realizes there is something wrong.

Mom: Eliza, where are you? Don’t play hide and seek w

ith me! It’s not funny. I’m hungry.

As the mother is finding her daughter, the phone rings.

Mom: Hello~ this is Anderson. I’m busy finding my daughter. Don’t bother me!

Big gangster: Are you finding your daughter? Ha! Ha! Ha… she is right here.

Mom: Good job! Tell her it’s time for dinner. I’m hungry!

Big gangster: Hey! You are clueless. I have already kidnapped your daughter, Eliza Anderson!

Mom: Hey! Buddy! Don’t trick me!

Big gangster: Sure! Listen! (The gangster takes the phone to Eliza.)

Eliza: Hello! Mom! I’m here! They are so kind. They gave me a lollipop. The gangster takes the phone away.

Big gangster: Do you believe me now? If you want your daughter to come back for dinner. You have to prepare the ransom of NT $ 20,000,000.

Mom: Too expensive! 20% off.

Big gangster: Are you buying clothes?

Mom: Bargain is my hobby.

Big gangster: No negotiation you should bring the ransom to Tunghai Lake at 8:00 pm. And remember don’t call the cop. Or you will find your daughter in the lake.

Mom: O.K. See you then!

At Tunghai Lake. The gangsters and Eliza are baking fish from the lake because they are hungry. At this time, the mother is coming.

Mom: Ha! (Mom shouts.)

The gangsters and Eliza are shocked. And the small gangster’s fish is falling down on the floor. Small gangster: Oh,! My fish! Who’s there?

Mom: It’s me, Bunny Anderson, Eliza’s mother, Anderson’s wife. Where is my daughter? Release my daughter.

Eliza: Hi! Mom, I’m here. Do you want to come here to eat fish?

Big gangster: Where is the ransom?

Mom: Release my daughter first!

Big gangster: Give me the ransom first!

Mom: No way!

And the battle begins.

Mom: Justice is always the winner.

Eliza: Oh~ Yeah! Mom, you win!

Celine: Ha! I got it! I got it! A new…… headline.

Celine: I am at Tunghai Lake. Earlier, there was a violent fighting. A watermelon knife V.S. A B.B.Q. fork. According to the witnesses, a mother fought with the gangsters for her daughter. And the mother won. Now, let’s interview the persons involved. Celine: Do you feel regretful? Do you feel sorry to this society?

Small gangster: I……

Celine: I…… I know. You are very sorry and regretful. How about you? (Turn to the big gangster.)

Big gangster: None of your business. (Run to the wall.) Leave me alone.

Eliza: Me! Me!

Celine: What do you want to say?

Eliza: Uh…My mom is so cool. She came to save me!

Mom: My turn. My turn.

Celine: O.K. O.K. What do you want to say after winning the fight?

Mom: Well……

Celine: Well, you are very happy and proud of yourself to be the winner in the battle. Mom: Yes. And the gangsters…

Celine: Oh, the gangsters are very stupid and silly.

Mom: Right. And they…

Celine: They want to trick you, but…

Mom: But… enough. I’m hungry. I want to go home with my daughter.

Celine: Next time, if you receive a phone call from a scam artist, here are the things you can do to avoid being tricked. First, stay clam and be skeptical about it. The caller hopes to fool you with a moving story, causing you to forget your good judgment. A little doubt can protect you. Second, verify the story. Call the organization to make sure the story is true. Third, report it to the police. And don’t deal with the villains on your own. One phone call will often expose a trap quickly. However, to tell the truth, the mother is really very brave. She is my idol. I want to keep her sign. This is reporter Celine reporting from Tunghia Lake for TVAS.

《出租车司机》英语话剧剧本

一天出租车司机Tommy遇到了很多奇怪的事情。烦人的女孩、孕妇、抢匪、不管事的警察，甚至还遇到了鬼。。。

Cast

Erin Chang: Robber

Debby Tsai: Police officer

Serrin Lee: Betel nut girl

Alec Zhao: Ghost student

Leo Lee: Taxi driver

Yi-ling Chen: Pregnant woman

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Summary

This story talks about a poor taxi driver, Tommy, who meets many strange things in one day. First, he carries a Betel Nut Girl who wants to harass him. Second, a pregnant woman makes him feel nervous. Third, he carries a robber and meets a police officer who only manages traffic. At last, he carries a ghost student.

Tommy: Hello, my name is Tommy. Serving you is my honor. Where would you like to go?

Betel nut girl: Hi! Tommy. I’m going to Chong-Shan North Road, please.

Tommy: Ok, Chong-Shan North Road, no problem. Um? I remember there’s only a Chong-Shan East Road. Miss, are you sure you’re going to Chong-Shan North Road?

Betel nut girl: Um, I’m not sure. You just drive. Maybe I will remember where it is later.

Betel nut girl: How old are you? Are you married? You’re probably not married since you’re so young. Do you have a girlfriend?

Tommy: Um…miss, we are almost at Chong-Shan East Road. Do you want to have a look?

Betel nut girl: Oh! Not here. By the way, don’t you feel tired after driving all day long? Maybe I can help you relax.

Tommy: What…what do you want to do? Take your hands off me or I’ll scream! Betel nut girl: I did nothing! You just missed a nice chance. Stop the car, I want to get off. Tommy: (Relived) Great! The total is 155 dollars, Thank you.

Betel nut girl: Um! Take it!

Pregnant woman: Hey! Taxi!

Pregnant woman: Thanks. You are real a very kind man.

Tommy: Where are you going?

Pregnant woman: Hospital, please.

Tommy: You’re going to the prenatal checkup, right? It must be very tiring carrying a baby.

Pregnant woman: Yeah. It’s almost nine months.

Tommy: Woo. Congratulations.

Pregnant woman: Thank you.

Pregnant woman: (screaming)

Tommy: Are you ok?

Pregnant woman: (screaming)

Tommy: Is it time now? Are you going to deliver your baby now? I will drive as fast as I can. Stay down.

Pregnant woman: (screaming)

Tommy: We’re almost there.

搞笑的短剧本中英文篇八：英语搞笑短剧剧本-西游记

搞笑英语话剧之西游记篇

人物 ： 唐僧 八戒 悟空 白骨精原型女 白骨精变形1 白骨精变形2 白骨

精原型男 女儿国国王 hope you guys enjoy it！ 改编作者 杜宛芸 成医学子

唐: Wow…boys! This place looks beautiful. Where we are now? Does any

one of you know something about it?

众徒弟们摇头，除了八戒在看书。

唐: 八戒, give me the map(不回头，懒洋洋的问)

唐:八戒， Give the map to me!（严肃的问）

唐：哼 !（唐生气地叫）pig ，Give the map……..(转过身看到八戒在看书)

唐:(很吃惊) wow！八戒，very good ! I hardly see you study！ . What kind of

book are you reading? Is it about Chinese or English?

八戒依旧看书，不理睬。

唐:(凑过去)let me have a look !

八戒才注意，赶忙藏书。但为时已晚，唐一把抢过。发现是封面女郎很惹火，眼

神立刻变得温柔，接过书开始看

唐：yo….xi…..(流口水，八戒看到，拿出卫生纸给唐僧擦，唐僧回过神来)

唐:（转身训斥八戒）how many times have I told you？ You are not

supposed to read books about beautiful girls! I will keep it for you until we

finish the journey …..(唐僧将画册掖到衣服里)

八戒:But…..,why? boss, why can‟t we think about girls? I just don‟t

understand…

唐:（叹气）哎，how many times have I told you？ ,This is because…oh 悟

空 dance to my song ！

(开始唱歌，Jackson的dangeous，悟空伴舞)

八戒:ok boss， I will listen to you！（无辜地表情）

唐:悟空,I am hungry.Go and get me some food…（四处看看）.where is 沙僧？, 悟空：he is feeding the horse . boss I„ll find some food and be back soon, 唐：ok….(悟空走了唐看见八戒还在这，正经地对八戒说) hey 八戒 I need to take a good rest . get out of here !give me some private space!

（八戒走后唐僧就偷袭着自言自语到眉毛上抬 使坏样）：嘿嘿 its time to call my little honey king of the girl country

唐:hi..sweetie how are you doing？(不解释….)

女:I am fine ,but I miss you very much ，after you left, I just can not stop recalling the days when we were together. 哼！ you seldom give me a call。 唐:oh darling….i am sorry. you know , these boys like to gossip about things like that. I can only call you when I am alone. But you know I love you from the bottom of my heart 。oh damn it ！…they are back! Honey I will call you the next time ok ！（挂断电话 一下装的很正经）

悟空: boss ， who are you calling ?

唐:er (支支吾吾的)I was just having a chat with Budda. where is my food? 悟空:here! Ive found some delicious bananas!

唐:banana，banana banana ! How many times do I have to tell you ？ I am a monk, instead of a monkey! I need rice rice(加重语气)！don‟t you understand? Go and give some to your brothers ok

悟空：摸摸头 ok boss 低头很沮丧 拿着香蕉向八戒走去

唐僧拿着香蕉，从衣服里掏出画册，做到一边边吃边看，边擦嘴…..

白骨精上场

白;Hahahaa…I know that any monster who eats master tang will live forever. how lucky I am, now they are in my place.笑着想想 oh , i can pretend to be a poor old lady, so they will trust me. 嘿嘿 I am really clever ……动感音乐响 白骨精1上场 和白骨精原形以舞蹈形式变换……双人舞完 ！

。

白1:嘿嘿I look great!

蹒跚的走过去

白1:hello, master.i have not eaten any food for days….can you spare some ? have mercy， may god bless you

唐：(瞄一眼，继续吃、看)what? Don‟t see I am starving too .get out of here, if you don‟t leave right now I will ask my money and pig to eat you 哼！ 白1：看看悟空和八戒 oh please don‟t do that I am leaving 蹒跚地离开 躲在一个离唐不远的地方。

悟空：走过来拿着香蕉 boss ，do you need some more bananas？

（悟空看到美女画册，急忙凑上去看，师傅把画册上下左右移动，悟空随之移动，师傅发现了，开始说：）

唐：, 悟空 ,you want to see it, dont you？ ,If you want to see it， you have to tell me that you want to see it, and I will give it to you ,let you see it but if you don‟t tell Me that you want to see it ， how can I know that you want to see it？ 。if you don‟t want to see it ，you also have to tell me that you don‟t want to see it 。then I wont let you see (悟空早已痛苦不堪，逃离此地)

唐：悟空！come back！ 哎。。。（唐僧摇摇头,继续看书)

白1:（远处偷看到画册）oh …. He is interested in girls 嘿嘿 !

变成了一个女的 音乐很慢幽 白1和白2 双人舞变换

说话一定要嗲

白2:（曼妙的走过来，碰一下唐僧，唐僧不转头边吃边看书：leave me alone. 白2再次碰一下，唐僧依然不转头：I said leave me alone！这时，白2开口说话） 白2:hi…. gentleman!

唐:（转头）wow…hi sexy lady!（扔掉画册，背景音乐响起，only you，神情对视，过会儿）come here ,do you want some food？take some bananes。 i am tang seng, you can call me Tanny

白2:oh Tanny…you are so friendly ,thanks for your banana。。。I just got lost ，and don‟t know where to go now！can you help me？

唐:yes of course, I will try my best to help you， you don‟t worry！ 八戒：朝唐僧看看：wow ，what a beautiful girl ！手拍拍悟空 look look 悟空:看到后 oh my god ！our boss is in danger now！

马上朝白2冲过去

悟空：“monster，I will kill you！“吓到白2 躲到唐的后面

唐:what are you doing？ monkey， don‟t be rude! this beautiful lady is my new friend！

悟空:boss, this is a monster， in order to get close to you。,she has changed herself into a charming girl ，she will eat you ！

唐:bullshit! you must be fed up with this trip to the west…..

（悟空执意要打，唐僧苦劝不听）

唐：I think ， you， little monkey need to be punished

悟空：（赶忙说）oh ,no , boss, please

唐:(叹气)哎唱着 it is so late to apologise。。。。。! 说 Money ， you deserve what you will suffer(摆姿势，要念咒语) ( 杰克逊的beat it ，，，，just beat it， beat it ，will you listen to me ？will you listen to me ？will you listen to me？ )

悟空抱头大叫：“oh boss enough enough。。。please stop stop I will listen to you“

八戒过来求情 ：“boss he cant stand it now看着悟空痛苦样，哦米拖佛 poor money！„

唐停止念咒 说：“ok、monkey, remember don‟t make such stupid mistakes again，you can go now „悟空抱着很痛的头摇摇晃晃的离开。

唐僧看着八戒：“八戒 you also have to leave here ，your ugly pig face will make my friend scared，go go go ！” 八戒不情愿地离开

白2:hahaha….，白2白原形一起双人舞变换成白原形 音乐很 恐怖

白原：idiot！ .look who I am （变回原样，唐僧大喊救命）i will eat you….

唐：啊 ！ 悟空 悟空 八戒 come back come back

白原：哈哈哈 shut up ！ no one can save you now！hahahahahha 仰天大笑唐掏偷偷出电话：“hi honey，I am in danger now，come and save me‟ ！be quick！„

白原看到将电话拿过扔掉

白原：‘哼，‟正要杀唐 做出姿势

女:“stop ！白原转过头来

搞笑的短剧本中英文篇九：英语搞笑小品剧本

Characters: Narrator(N), Salesman(S), Dad(D), Maggie(M), Alice(A), Candy(C), Policeman(P)

Preparation: 学校布景，做糖果用桌及相关材料，小贩家布景

Scene1（At Salesman’s home）

N: In a dark dirty house, there lived a small, dirty salesman. He always makes unhealthy candies and sells them to the students. He has a lot of money now. But how does he make the candies? Oh, xu „„ He is coming! S: Hello, do you know me? No? Oh, let me tell you .I’m the famous candy salesman at the school gate. My candies are very popular,(展示)，I don’t know why. The foolish students always come here. I’ll be a boss soon! Candy, money, candy, money„„

Oops! It’s time to make candies now.(看表)

First, put the flour on the table.

Then, water, sugar, flour.(边说边做)

Now press, press„„

Oh, my dirty hands! Never mind! Just do it!(满不在意的神情)

Press, press„„

Oh, my god!(鼻涕)Never mind! Just do it!

Press, press, the children will not know it , it’s OK,hehehe„„ Now let me cut it into pieces!

One, two, three, four, five„„（用脏菜刀）

Wow, everything is ready!

糖果钻出来（跳舞），跳完后，非常难过地说：Oh, I’m so dirty and ugly! What can I do? The students will eat me! And they will be ill! Wuwuwu„ S: Mmmm„It looks dirty, let me give you a nice coat! (给它穿上) Wow! Now it’s so beautiful! Haha„„

C: Oh, no! Don’t sell me! I’m dirty!(拖糖果下场)

Scene2（At the school gate）

N: The next day, when the class is over, all the students come out happily and the salesman goes to the school gate as usual. （Maggie和Alice 欢快地跑出校门，看到小贩）

(小贩拉着糖上场，吆喝)：Candies! Candies! Sweet candies! „„ M: Oh, Alice! Look! Candies!

A: Yeah! I think they are yummy!

M: Let’s ask him.

A: OK!

C: Don’t buy me！（非常焦急）

M&A: Why?

C: I’m dirty！

M: No, you look nice!

C: What can I do? (面向观众) Wuwuwu„(小贩将她拉在后面)

S: Candies! Candies!（引诱两个女孩）

M&A: How much are they?

S: Do you have money?（轻蔑）

M&A: Money?(对视)

M:Oh, I’ve no money!（失落之极）

A: Me too.

S: No money? So sorry!(吆喝着走开，下场)

M: What can we do now?

A: Let’s ask dad for money.

M: But how to ask?

A: How?„Oh,I know ,let’s make him happy ,and he will give us money.（自信）

M: Good idea!(全部下场)

Scene 3:（At Maggie’s home）

N: The children have to go home and ask dad for some money, and they know their father is good at playing guitar, so they will do something clever. (爸爸看报)

M: Dad,dad,let’s sing a song ,OK? (同时Alice去取吉他准备拿给爸爸) A: And play the guitar for us!

M: We know you play so well!

(爸爸诧异地看着孩子)

D: Oh? What a bright day today!

M&A: Please, dad!(哀求)

D:OKOK! Let’s.

(取吉他，开始准备)D: Which song do you like? How about Edelweiss? M&A: Of course!

(开始弹，第一段孩子随节奏起舞，第二段孩子开始轻声讨论起来“you first”之类的话，爸爸停止弹琴。)

D: What’s the matter?

M: Dad, we have no money!

A: Can we have some please?

D: I think you have lots of pocket money ,and you don’t need any more. M:I want to buy some candies at the school gate.

A: They look so sweet and nice!

M: Other students always buy them!

D: But„„You can’t ! They are quite unhealthy. Please go and do your homework..(置之不理，转头看报，孩子回到房间)

M: What shall we do now?

A: Let me think „well, I know!(轻声在Maggie耳边说)

M: Oh, you are so clever! Let’s go.(回到爸爸身边)

M: Dad, I want a new eraser!

A: I want a longer ruler!

M&A: Dad, please！

D: Things are expensive these days. We have to save money!

M: But dad, my eraser is too small now!(拿出破橡皮来给爸爸看) A: And my ruler is broken.（拿出断尺）

D: OK, children. I believe you this time, make sure, don’t buy the food at the school gate. It’s unhealthy! Do you know?

M&A: Yes, sir!

D: Here you are !( 给钱)

M&A: Thanks very much, dad! Bye!(非常高兴，下场)

N: The next day, when the class is over ,Maggie and Alice come to the salesman again. They are happy to buy the candies and then have them, but soon they feel a stomachache.

(孩子高兴地买了糖，边吃边回家，小贩下场，孩子到家后肚子痛)

M: Aiyo!„„（两人躬着背进场）

A: „„.

D: What’s wrong?

M: I’ve a stomachache!

A: Me too!

D: What did you eat? The food at the school gate?

M: Yes. We had some candies just now.

A: I had some too!

D: Oh! You’ve cheated me! You bought the candies instead of the eraser and ruler. I always tell you that don’t buy the food at the school gate, they are unhealthy!（生气）

M: But they look nice!

A: And tastes good!

M&A: Aiyo„„

D:Well, Let’s go to the salesman together and have a look!

M&A: OK.

Scene 4: (At the school gate)

N: When they get to the school gate, a policeman is asking the salesman to go away.

(正走到校门口，发现警察驱赶校门口的小贩)

P: Hey! You shouldn’t stay here, leave now!

C: Let’s go home, let’s go home! (轻声并拉小贩)

S: No! My candies are nice and popular here! And„

C: You are telling a lie! I’m very dirty and unhealthy!

M&A: Dad, it’s him! Aiyo„（指着小贩）

D: He?

(警察走过来问爸爸，朝小孩)

P: What’s the matter with them?

D: They got a stomachache after having his candies.

S: Really? But I’ve never heard of it. And„„

搞笑的短剧本中英文篇十：英文搞笑剧本